Dirty Tackle

Football. Culture. Nonsense.

 

This sport takes itself too seriously. Everything from pre-match handshakes to the very name of the game (soccer? football? futbol? calcio?) gets scrutinized and debated. We’re here to pop that balloon and give the beautiful game the podcast that it truly deserves: One that’s childish, nonsensical, and occasionally funny. Hear weird news, comedy sketches, infighting, and merciless takedowns from the writers and editor of the award-winning blog DirtyTackle.net.

Help support the show by contributing at Patreon.com/dirtytackle and contact us at dirtytackle[at]gmail.com. Join our  Togga Perfect XI fantasy league by clicking here.

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March 24, 2018

Leo Messi can’t eat junk food anymore, but we can still dish out dirty tackles for Puma’s boring new kits, journalists who compare Mo Salah to Messi (including Ryan), and the USA’s amnesiac World Cup bid. We also discuss risky Salah goal promotions, Neymar’s fun times in Brazil, and Jose Mourinho’s ultimate cheerleader.

This week’s Extra Time topics: Phil Scolari talking up Cristiano Ronaldo to China possibilities, Gio Dos Santos getting voted most overrated in MLS, and who deserves that title in the Premier League

March 17, 2018

Sponsored by Jamie Carragher’s spit-shine car wash and Jose the Insult Comic Manager’s new album, we’ve got dirty tackles for ball grabbing foul seekers, Neymar’s Instagram insensitivity, and Leo Messi’s nutmeg cruelty. Plus, we discuss Spurs’ sexist survey questions, Sergio Ramos taking mid-match bathroom breaks, and we’ve got some revised Champions League predictions (because Ryan’s previous one failed miserably).

This week’s Extra Time topics: Who should replace Jose Mourinho at Man United? Possible footballer endorsements of the future, and gun-toting club owners.

March 10, 2018

Ryan, Brooks, and Theo are reunited to discuss actual dirty tackles perpetrated against them, Arsene Wenger losing his marbles, and German fans touching themselves at Bundesliga matches. Unai Emery advertises his services, the PSG-Real Madrid tie is analyzed, as is Marco Reus’ personal website, and Jose Mourinho’s move to RT.

This week’s Extra Time topics: Messi in a bad Pepsi ad, Mo Salah’s good deeds, and Mike Piazza: angry in Italy.

March 2, 2018

Following a desperate plea from The Neymar Fund, we have dirty tackles for MLS’s boring new kits, internet beefs, and Serge Aurier’s foul throw-ins. The Wenger Out Sign Company introduces a new product line, then we also discuss Freddy Adu making history in Las Vegas, Jack Wilshere making excusing on Instagram, and Cristiano Ronaldo making no more dreams.

This week’s Extra Time topics: Paul Pogba’s troubles at Man United, John Stones and Noel Gallager’s awful FIFA playlist, and Yannick Carrasco’s curious move to China.

February 23, 2018


Brooks is out the pictures this week, leaving Ryan and Theo to chat about everything from Wigan supporters’ naughty behavior to dogs using public toilets to whether the FA Cup is even worth having at all to clubs hiring warlocks. Yes, it’s pure insanity.

This week’s Extra Time topics: Is Will Grigg better than Lukaku? Is Jose Mourinho still elite? And how many times with Ryan and Theo say “Pia Mia”?

February 18, 2018


Luke Shaw kicks us off with a heartfelt twist on a classic U2 song. Neymar, the VAR-less Champions League, and claims about Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s real estate interests all get dirty tackled. Finally, FIFA 18 tutors and Arsenal’s disregard for an eight-year-old Harry Kane are discussed to round out the show. (Note: We had some technical issues during the final segment of the show that resulted in the disappearance of Theo. Sorry, Theo lovers!)

This week’s Extra Time topics: Stealing money from your spouse to buy a football club, Ryan stands by his Champions League predictions, and we gaze into a future filled with killer robot referees.

February 23, 2018

Brooks is out the pictures this week, leaving Ryan and Theo to chat about everything from Wigan supporters’ naughty behavior to dogs using public toilets to whether the FA Cup is even worth having at all to clubs hiring warlocks. Yes, it’s pure insanity.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: Is Will Grigg better than Lukaku? Is Jose Mourinho still elite? And how many times with Ryan and Theo say “Pia Mia”?

February 12, 2018


With Theo Messi back in hiding, Ryan and Brooks dirty tackle Pep Guardiola’s team selection temper tantrum and Man United’s welcoming of Alexis Sanchez’s dogs. In the return of “Throw Ins,” the rise of sign based shirt begging, Neymar’s whining, and Adam Lallana’s youth-team freakout are all addressed.

This week’s “Exxxtra Time” topics: Antonio Conte’s job security, segues that are too good to pass up and Delle Ali’s home movies.

February 5, 2018


Better late than never, our pre-transfer deadline episode starts with the debut of Ryan’s soon to be charting topping single “Relegation Zone” and includes dirty tackles for Sporting Gijon’s racism, the public display of Steven Gerrard autographs, and bitcoin transfers. In the final TRANSFERMAGEDDON segment of the winter, Olivier Giroud’s move to Chelsea, Aymeric Laporte to Man City, plus Zlatan and maybe Leo Messi to MLS.

This week’s Extra Time topics: Jurgen Klopp’s job security, David Beckham’s Miami nonsense, and our ideal club career paths.

January 28, 2018


Alexis Sanchez’s dog starts things off with an exclusive peek into his Manchester diary, then it’s dirty tackles for fans who piss in opposing goalkeepers’ water bottles, the Brisbane Roar’s faulty shirt numbers, and Phil Neville. In TRANSFERMAGEDDON, we discuss the possible return of Freddy Adu as the brightest light in Las Vegas, which striker Chelsea are desperate enough to sign now, and whether Mo Salah will be moving to Real Madrid this summer.

This week’s Extra Time topics: the world’s highest earning clubs, Wayne Rooney selling his super cars, and goal celebration prop comedy.

January 20, 2018

After getting a demotivational team talk from Ryan Giggs, we line up some dirty tackles on Arsene Wenger, journalists with idiotic perceptions of women’s football, and Cristiano Ronaldo’s tired negotiating tactics. In TRANSFERMAGEDDON, we cover Alexis Sanchez’s Manchester switcheroo, Landon Donovan’s move to Mexico, and the player who should never be the answer to your club’s problems (even when he’s healthy).

This week’s Extra Time topics: 40-year-old mascots and the retirement of Ronaldinho.

January 13, 2018

Brooks, Ryan, and Theo are all back together once again to deliver the first dirty tackles of 2018 to Man City, US Soccer, and Usain Bolt’s footballing dream. We also insert ourselves in the the Mourinho v Conte war, debate the merits of VAR once again, and check in with Lukas Podolski’s new business venture. Finally, we try to catch up with a white hot January transfer window that has already delivered several major deals.

This week’s Extra Time topics: A breakdown of Mourinho v Conte, a year’s worth of free pizza for one FA Cup goalkeeper, and a defense of Inter’s transfer dealings.

January 3, 2018


As we recover from our New Year’s hangovers, we celebrate the first calendar year of the podcast by sharing some of our favorite fake ads and sketches from 2017. Bob Bradley, Jack McPintsnackle, and Roberto Firmino are all here, so sit back and enjoy the bits that make this the most bizarre football pod around. To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment each week, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week, hear producer Bobo’s picks for the best bits of 2017.

December 24, 2017


Christmas meets Festivus as Brooks and Theo air their grievances with Antoine Griezmann and the royal family’s choice of wedding dates. Then it’s time to decide who’s been naughty and who’s been nice this year. Finally, gifts are handed out to deserving fans. To celebrate the holidays, this week’s Extra Time segment is available to all! Topics include: the merits of the winter break, the birth of the “digital fourth kit,” and a look back at the MLS Cup final.

December 17, 2017


After a few technical hiccups, we’ve got dirty tackles for Jose Mourinho’s “everything but football tactics,” Jurgen Klopp’s post-match interview testiness, and Lazio supporters’ TripAdvisor reviews. Plus, we have a brand new segment—”Social Media Shootout”—where we debate recent social media postings from luminaries of the footballing world and debate their awfulness.

December 9, 2017


There was so much to cover in this week’s episode that Hope Solo running for USSF president will have to wait. In the Dirty Tackles of the Week, Ryan goes after Southampton, Theo defends the accused in Sunderland Poo-Gate, and Brooks takes one last shot at Sunil Gulati on his way out the door. Messi’s new contract and Kylian Mbappe’s hamster are covered in “True Are Ya?” and in Life Ref, the questionable use of trophies in Norway is debated. Plus: the newest product from the makers of Firmino Shine!

December 2, 2017

As we kick off the festive season, Ryan takes issue with Poland for gaming the World Cup draw system, Theo defends the honor of Claude Makelele, and Brooks reveals the depressing plans for the Lewandowski brand. In “True Are Ya?” the origins of the Brighton-Palace rivalry are investigated, as are Arsene Wenger’s knitting habits. Finally, pre-match monkeys, and Pep Guardiola letting his players decide Man City’s transfer business are covered in another edition of Life Ref.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: the best part of football according to Sinisa Mihajlovic, the red balls of the Sarajevo derby, and Sam Allardyce saving Everton.

November 22, 2017

Welcome to the first annual Franksgiving Special on the DT podcast! Instead of Dirty Tackles, we’ve got clean handshakes for journalists made to look silly by Mesut Ozil, the enduring spirit of Chapecoense, and Daniele De Rossi’s good sportsmanship. We also have a very special guest appearance from the inspiration for Franksgiving himself, Mr. Frank Lampard as we discuss what we’re most Frankful for.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: Jose Mourinho’s injection rage, Marcus Rashford’s surprising childhood idol, and Alberto Moreno getting caught out (again).

November 17, 2017


In this 100% non-contagious episode, Theo dirty tackles Bruce Arena’s insensitivity, Brooks goes in on now former Italy manager Gian Piero Ventura, and Ryan takes down the entire concept of international football. The intersection of one-hit wonders and shirt numbers, plus Man United car accidents are touched upon in “True Are Ya?” and the futures of Arsene Wenger and Zlatan Ibrahimovic are discussed in another round of Life Ref.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: Christian Pulisic’s thoughts on US youth development, the World Cup of Shame, and Theo Messi’s fourth choice national team.

November 10, 2017


As we mourn the retirement of Andrea Pirlo (and the creation of his artificial cheese brand), we’ve got dirty tackles for Sam Allardyce, Eric Wynalda, and Neymar. Plus, Mats Hummels’ unique footwear gets discussed, as does David Moyes’ employability, Kyle Martino’s USSF presidential run, and whether Romelu Lukaku is overrated.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: USA v Portugal, La Liga stars’ goal droughts, and Theo’s Kit Corner.

November 6, 2017


Our sincerest apologies for the delay on this episode (recorded Nov. 2), but it’s worth the wait! We’ve got dirty tackles for players who wear theirs shirts backwards, Patrice Evra’s poor Cantona impression, and the omnipresence of urine in football. Plus, Man City’s away-day wardrobe, Jamie Vardy dressing as Zlatan, and England’s national shame. We also discuss La Liga’s implementation of VAR, the Columbus Crew’s PR move, and Kyle Beckerman’s new hair.

This week’s Extra Time topics: English clubs in the Champions League, the Las Vegas Lights, and the surprisingly accurate 50 most exciting teenagers of 2007 list.

October 27, 2017

Brooks and Theo debate Pep Guardiola’s “light ball” excuse while Ryan takes aim at the Everton fan who fought Lyon players while holding a child. Plus, exclusive dramatizations of Luke Shaw’s letters to Victor Lindelof are shared, Maradona’s love of Harry Kane is discussed, and The Worst Dirty Tackle Awards live up to their name.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: Huddersfield beating Man United, Barcelona replacing Neymar with Own Goal, Mino Raiola taking control of Zlatan’s career, and Neymar getting pelted with French cliches.

October 20, 2017


While Ryan questions Harry Redknapp’s interest in cryptocurrency and social media, Brooks and Theo deliver a rare tandem tackle on the nefarious owner of the Columbus Crew. Jupp Heynckes and Craig Shakespeare promote their new business ventures, and claims about naked team talks and Pep Guardiola’s eating habits are thoroughly examined. Finally, in Life Ref, equal pay for men’s and women’s national teams are discussed, as well as players wearing gloves with short sleeves and Cristiano Ronaldo singing the Champions League anthem before matches.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: The odd reasoning behind the name of San Diego’s new club, fans who travel 6,000 miles to see a semi-pro team, and Cahills Tim and Gary.

October 15, 2017


This episode was recorded before the US were terminated in Trinidad, so Brooks and Theo open with a few words on the shame of American soccer. But in the main episode, Brooks, Theo, and Ryan have dirty tackles for clubs that sell real merchandise for fake players, creepy Uncle Steve, and Dr. Gordon Strachan. Plus, Bob Bradley advertises his latest product, Harry Kane trademarks his boringness, and Life Ref decisions are made on whether Andres Iniesta and Andrea Pirlo should continue their playing careers.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: The Messi Experience Park, the Ballon d’Or shortlist, and US players getting carried through puddles.

October 6, 2017


With Theo Messi away on international duty, Brooks and Ryan aim this week’s dirty tackles at critics of 2018 World Cup stadium modifications and Disney World (trust us, it makes sense…kind of). Jack McPintsnackle returns to flog his new side project, the intricacies of throwing pizza at Sir Alex Ferguson are discussed, as is Bayern Munich’s disrespect of Carlo Ancelotti, and Gareth Bale’s personal golf course.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: The ridiculous twist in FIFA 18’s The Journey, Barcelona playing behind closed doors, Facebook getting in on the Premier League action, and whether Real Madrid should get rid of the aforementioned Gareth Bale

September 29, 2017


Ryan’s got beef with The Club That Shall Not Be Named, Theo goes after Juve’s president, and Brooks takes issue with Tottenham’s desecration of The Lion King. Michael Owen announces the opening of his new movie theater, “True Are Ya?” gets tricky, and Barcelona’s T-shirt tributes, Paul Pogba’s hair, and Serie A’s size are all discussed in Life Ref.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: Jamie Carragher’s inability to use a spoon, Hulk’s awesomeness, why John Stones should fire his social media time, the clubs that are too bad to exist.

September 22, 2017


While Ryan and Theo argue over who gets to take penalties for DTFC, we dirty tackle Birmingham for abandoning the Harry Redknapp project, Shanghai Shenhua for thinking they could get Carlos Tevez to care, and Arsenal’s premature pitch invader for, well, existing. Plus, we have a special message from one of Alexis Sanchez’s dogs, a lively round of True Are Ya?, and some Life Reffing on Neymar v Cavani, celebrating goals against your former club, and abusing the good sportsmanship of your opponents.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we discuss Wayne Rooney’s community service, Pulisic hype, Rio Ferdnand’s boxing career, and Ryan’s weird backpack thing.

September 13, 2017


It’s worth the listen just for the remix of Alexi Lalas’ US team rant, but we’ve also got dirty tackles for Crystal Palace’s itchy trigger finger, the promise breakers at Milan, and Montpellier’s misspellings. Our “True Are Ya?” segment makes a triumphant return with stories about Barca leaving La Liga and Frank De Boer’s pre-match McDonald’s binges, then we round it out with a bit of Life Reffing on Lalas, Fabio Capello’s split loyalties, and Felix Magath’s supremely odd injury treatments.
To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re Talkin’ Tatts, Jose Mourinho handshake controversies, and Pandev penis hair.

September 8, 2017


As Theo Messi endures Sirenpalooza 2017 outside his secret safehouse, we’ve got dirty tackles for Bruce Arena’s excuses, surprisingly effective Alexis Sanchez songs, and Wayne Rooney doing Wayne Rooney things. Plus, Christian Pulisic makes a public plea for help, we do some life reffing on Dele Alli’s middle finger, Sir Chips Keswick hating football, and the possibility of a drastic change to the international calendar. Finally, we close out with the very last TRANSFERMAGEDDON of the summer season with some chat on Renato Sanches and a special guest appearance from a very bitter Bob Bradley.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re talking World Cup qualifiers and Wayne Shaw’s punishment for eating a pie in the dugout.

August 30, 2017


We’ve got a whooole lot of Arsenal jokes in this episode, but that’s not all! We’ve also got dirty tackles for Bournemouth stewards and Barcelona’s mistreatment of their new signings, plus Life Ref decisions on PSG trolling their own fans, whether it’s acceptable to brush your teeth at a match, and, of course, whether Arsene Wenger should stay or go. As the TRANSFERMAGEDDON clock winds down, we look back on what just might be the craziest transfer window ever. Plus, don’t miss ads from Crazy Arsene’s Discount Player Depot and Backpage Horizons—the world’s premiere transfer rumor rehab center.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re breaking down the Champions League draw, Zlatan’s return to Man United, and David Villa’s return to international duty.

August 24, 2017

Ryan is repulsed by Man City’s “tunnel club,” Theo takes aim at the Lukas Podolski jet ski confusion, and Brooks calls Ryan out on his Wayne Rooney prediction. Jurgen Klopp unveils his new fragrance, and Life Ref decisions are made on Jack Wilshere’s U-23 match red card, and Nicolai Muller’s painful goal celebration. In TRANSFERMAGEDDON, Barcelona’s summer meltdown confounds everyone, the possibility of Leo Messi moving on is discussed, and a DT favorite moves to India.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re talking about the Barcelona social media hack, Ryan’s hatred of fun, and the best football days we’ve ever had.

August 18, 2017

We’ve got dirty tackles for wantaway players who fake injuries and illness (looking at you Philly Couts and Alexis Sanchez), anyone who gives Kaka a red card, and the most egregious half and half shirt of all time. In addition, the president of Huddersfield Town entices us to visit the home of the Premier League’s newest darlings, Bob Bradley’s neighbor stops by, there are Life Ref rulings on when the transfer window should close and Diego Costa’s existence, and we promote the world’s best new product: The Transfer Fee Generator! Finally, there’s another round of TRANSFERMAGEDDON with Paulinho’s move to Barcelona, PSG’s pursuit of Kylian Mbappe, and Gylfi Sigurdsson at Everton, and even a bit of Jonny Evans intrigue.

To hear our bonus “DT Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re talking about Serie A’s return to glory, the first round of Premier League action, and FIFA 18’s new “Mino Mode.” 

August 7, 2017


As the title suggests, this episode has a whoooole lot of Neymar talk. Brooks, Ryan, and Theo discuss the TRANSFER OF THE MILLENNIUM (which one DT host didn’t think would happen), including who deserves a dirty tackle for the part they played in the saga and whether it was a good move for the Brazilian. As an added bonus, the “Extra Time” segment from the previous episode is included so anyone who isn’t already a member of the ET gang can hear what they’re missing. Topics include the Miami Clasico, ways to improve the MLS All-Star game, and Bob Bradley’s return to LA.

To hear a new Extra Time segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week it’s predictions for the new Premier League season.

August 4, 2017


This episode is a Neymar-free zone as Ryan isn’t letting Darron Gibson badmouth his own club, Brooks is appalled by the Emirates Cup, and Theo swipes left on Tinder as Man United’s sleeve sponsor. Jurgen Klopp issues a stern warning, and Life Ref decisions are made on divers getting banned in the Premier League, Freddy Adu’s ever curious career, and clubs pretending to kidnap new players.

To hear an extended version of the show with a bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week on DT Extra Time, the topics are: the Miami Clasico, the MLS All-Star Game format, and Bob Bradley back in Los Angeles. Contact us at DirtyTackle@gmail.com with your Dirty Tackles of the Week and Life Ref queries, and find us on Twitter at: @DirtyTackle, @BrooksDT, @RyanJayBailey, @TheoMessiDT, on Instagram: @DirtyTackle & Facebook.com/DirtyTackle.

July 29, 2017


As the summer madness intensifies, Ronald McDonald, Daley Blind, and something related to the John Brooks transfer get dirty tackled. We hear from newly appointed LAFC coach Bob Bradley, and the Life Refs pass judgment on rat-eating mayors, Maradona’s hypocrisy, and a reader in need of help getting interested in the Premier League. Finally, there’s another round of TRANSFERMAGEDDON starring mainstays Kylian “Fappy” Mbappe and Neymar “Neymar” Neymar.

To hear an extended version of the show with a bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week on DT Extra Time, the topics are: big-spending Man City, MLS’s billion-dollar offer, and nine year olds signing with Nike. Contact us at DirtyTackle@gmail.com with your Dirty Tackles of the Week and Life Ref queries, and find us on Twitter at: @DirtyTackle, @BrooksDT, @RyanJayBailey, @TheoMessiDT, on Instagram: @DirtyTackle & Facebook.com/DirtyTackle.

Music: Kendrick Lamar – Element (Instrumental) (Reprod. Wocki Beats,) Big Pun – Still Not a Player, Limp Bizkit – Nookie

July 20, 2017


There’s lots of vitriol as Ryan gets curmudgeonly about eSports, Theo lashes out on summer friendlies in the U.S., and Brooks gets heated about manufactured transfer rumors. A listener’s question about switching club allegiances is also debated. To hear an extended version of the show with a bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week on DT Extra Time, we discuss Jose Mourinho, new player initiations, and ESPN’s most influential people in football list.

July 15, 2017


This week, we take aim at Roman Abramovich’s choice of gifts, the Dutch butterflies who shut down friendly football, and the bores at the 2. Bundesliga. We also catch you up on the Summer of Mino, Milan’s awakening, Kyle Walker’s massive transfer, and the shocking host for the 2026 World Cup. To hear an extended version of the show with a bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week on DT Extra Time, we discuss Florent Malouda and the Gold Cup, a Stormzy/Lukaku mixup, and Theo’s review of some new kits around world football.