Dirty Tackle

Football. Culture. Nonsense.

 

This sport takes itself too seriously. Everything from pre-match handshakes to the very name of the game (soccer? football? futbol? calcio?) gets scrutinized and debated. We’re here to pop that balloon and give the beautiful game the podcast that it truly deserves: One that’s childish, nonsensical, and occasionally funny. Hear weird news, comedy sketches, infighting, and merciless takedowns from the writers and editor of the award-winning blog DirtyTackle.net.

Help support the show by contributing at Patreon.com/dirtytackle and contact us at dirtytackle[at]gmail.com. Join our  Togga Perfect XI fantasy league by clicking here.

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October 20, 2017


While Ryan questions Harry Redknapp’s interest in cryptocurrency and social media, Brooks and Theo deliver a rare tandem tackle on the nefarious owner of the Columbus Crew. Jupp Heynckes and Craig Shakespeare promote their new business ventures, and claims about naked team talks and Pep Guardiola’s eating habits are thoroughly examined. Finally, in Life Ref, equal pay for men’s and women’s national teams are discussed, as well as players wearing gloves with short sleeves and Cristiano Ronaldo singing the Champions League anthem before matches.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: The odd reasoning behind the name of San Diego’s new club, fans who travel 6,000 miles to see a semi-pro team, and Cahills Tim and Gary.

October 15, 2017


This episode was recorded before the US were terminated in Trinidad, so Brooks and Theo open with a few words on the shame of American soccer. But in the main episode, Brooks, Theo, and Ryan have dirty tackles for clubs that sell real merchandise for fake players, creepy Uncle Steve, and Dr. Gordon Strachan. Plus, Bob Bradley advertises his latest product, Harry Kane trademarks his boringness, and Life Ref decisions are made on whether Andres Iniesta and Andrea Pirlo should continue their playing careers.


To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: The Messi Experience Park, the Ballon d’Or shortlist, and US players getting carried through puddles.

October 6, 2017


With Theo Messi away on international duty, Brooks and Ryan aim this week’s dirty tackles at critics of 2018 World Cup stadium modifications and Disney World (trust us, it makes sense…kind of). Jack McPintsnackle returns to flog his new side project, the intricacies of throwing pizza at Sir Alex Ferguson are discussed, as is Bayern Munich’s disrespect of Carlo Ancelotti, and Gareth Bale’s personal golf course.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: The ridiculous twist in FIFA 18’s The Journey, Barcelona playing behind closed doors, Facebook getting in on the Premier League action, and whether Real Madrid should get rid of the aforementioned Gareth Bale

September 29, 2017


Ryan’s got beef with The Club That Shall Not Be Named, Theo goes after Juve’s president, and Brooks takes issue with Tottenham’s desecration of The Lion King. Michael Owen announces the opening of his new movie theater, “True Are Ya?” gets tricky, and Barcelona’s T-shirt tributes, Paul Pogba’s hair, and Serie A’s size are all discussed in Life Ref.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week’s topics: Jamie Carragher’s inability to use a spoon, Hulk’s awesomeness, why John Stones should fire his social media time, the clubs that are too bad to exist.

September 22, 2017


While Ryan and Theo argue over who gets to take penalties for DTFC, we dirty tackle Birmingham for abandoning the Harry Redknapp project, Shanghai Shenhua for thinking they could get Carlos Tevez to care, and Arsenal’s premature pitch invader for, well, existing. Plus, we have a special message from one of Alexis Sanchez’s dogs, a lively round of True Are Ya?, and some Life Reffing on Neymar v Cavani, celebrating goals against your former club, and abusing the good sportsmanship of your opponents.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we discuss Wayne Rooney’s community service, Pulisic hype, Rio Ferdnand’s boxing career, and Ryan’s weird backpack thing.

September 13, 2017


It’s worth the listen just for the remix of Alexi Lalas’ US team rant, but we’ve also got dirty tackles for Crystal Palace’s itchy trigger finger, the promise breakers at Milan, and Montpellier’s misspellings. Our “True Are Ya?” segment makes a triumphant return with stories about Barca leaving La Liga and Frank De Boer’s pre-match McDonald’s binges, then we round it out with a bit of Life Reffing on Lalas, Fabio Capello’s split loyalties, and Felix Magath’s supremely odd injury treatments.
To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re Talkin’ Tatts, Jose Mourinho handshake controversies, and Pandev penis hair.

September 8, 2017


As Theo Messi endures Sirenpalooza 2017 outside his secret safehouse, we’ve got dirty tackles for Bruce Arena’s excuses, surprisingly effective Alexis Sanchez songs, and Wayne Rooney doing Wayne Rooney things. Plus, Christian Pulisic makes a public plea for help, we do some life reffing on Dele Alli’s middle finger, Sir Chips Keswick hating football, and the possibility of a drastic change to the international calendar. Finally, we close out with the very last TRANSFERMAGEDDON of the summer season with some chat on Renato Sanches and a special guest appearance from a very bitter Bob Bradley.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re talking World Cup qualifiers and Wayne Shaw’s punishment for eating a pie in the dugout.

August 30, 2017


We’ve got a whooole lot of Arsenal jokes in this episode, but that’s not all! We’ve also got dirty tackles for Bournemouth stewards and Barcelona’s mistreatment of their new signings, plus Life Ref decisions on PSG trolling their own fans, whether it’s acceptable to brush your teeth at a match, and, of course, whether Arsene Wenger should stay or go. As the TRANSFERMAGEDDON clock winds down, we look back on what just might be the craziest transfer window ever. Plus, don’t miss ads from Crazy Arsene’s Discount Player Depot and Backpage Horizons—the world’s premiere transfer rumor rehab center.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re breaking down the Champions League draw, Zlatan’s return to Man United, and David Villa’s return to international duty.

August 24, 2017

Ryan is repulsed by Man City’s “tunnel club,” Theo takes aim at the Lukas Podolski jet ski confusion, and Brooks calls Ryan out on his Wayne Rooney prediction. Jurgen Klopp unveils his new fragrance, and Life Ref decisions are made on Jack Wilshere’s U-23 match red card, and Nicolai Muller’s painful goal celebration. In TRANSFERMAGEDDON, Barcelona’s summer meltdown confounds everyone, the possibility of Leo Messi moving on is discussed, and a DT favorite moves to India.

To hear our bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re talking about the Barcelona social media hack, Ryan’s hatred of fun, and the best football days we’ve ever had.

August 18, 2017

We’ve got dirty tackles for wantaway players who fake injuries and illness (looking at you Philly Couts and Alexis Sanchez), anyone who gives Kaka a red card, and the most egregious half and half shirt of all time. In addition, the president of Huddersfield Town entices us to visit the home of the Premier League’s newest darlings, Bob Bradley’s neighbor stops by, there are Life Ref rulings on when the transfer window should close and Diego Costa’s existence, and we promote the world’s best new product: The Transfer Fee Generator! Finally, there’s another round of TRANSFERMAGEDDON with Paulinho’s move to Barcelona, PSG’s pursuit of Kylian Mbappe, and Gylfi Sigurdsson at Everton, and even a bit of Jonny Evans intrigue.

To hear our bonus “DT Extra Time” segment, contribute and join the ET Gang at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week we’re talking about Serie A’s return to glory, the first round of Premier League action, and FIFA 18’s new “Mino Mode.” 

August 7, 2017


As the title suggests, this episode has a whoooole lot of Neymar talk. Brooks, Ryan, and Theo discuss the TRANSFER OF THE MILLENNIUM (which one DT host didn’t think would happen), including who deserves a dirty tackle for the part they played in the saga and whether it was a good move for the Brazilian. As an added bonus, the “Extra Time” segment from the previous episode is included so anyone who isn’t already a member of the ET gang can hear what they’re missing. Topics include the Miami Clasico, ways to improve the MLS All-Star game, and Bob Bradley’s return to LA.

To hear a new Extra Time segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week it’s predictions for the new Premier League season.

August 4, 2017


This episode is a Neymar-free zone as Ryan isn’t letting Darron Gibson badmouth his own club, Brooks is appalled by the Emirates Cup, and Theo swipes left on Tinder as Man United’s sleeve sponsor. Jurgen Klopp issues a stern warning, and Life Ref decisions are made on divers getting banned in the Premier League, Freddy Adu’s ever curious career, and clubs pretending to kidnap new players.

To hear an extended version of the show with a bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week on DT Extra Time, the topics are: the Miami Clasico, the MLS All-Star Game format, and Bob Bradley back in Los Angeles. Contact us at DirtyTackle@gmail.com with your Dirty Tackles of the Week and Life Ref queries, and find us on Twitter at: @DirtyTackle, @BrooksDT, @RyanJayBailey, @TheoMessiDT, on Instagram: @DirtyTackle & Facebook.com/DirtyTackle.

July 29, 2017


As the summer madness intensifies, Ronald McDonald, Daley Blind, and something related to the John Brooks transfer get dirty tackled. We hear from newly appointed LAFC coach Bob Bradley, and the Life Refs pass judgment on rat-eating mayors, Maradona’s hypocrisy, and a reader in need of help getting interested in the Premier League. Finally, there’s another round of TRANSFERMAGEDDON starring mainstays Kylian “Fappy” Mbappe and Neymar “Neymar” Neymar.

To hear an extended version of the show with a bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week on DT Extra Time, the topics are: big-spending Man City, MLS’s billion-dollar offer, and nine year olds signing with Nike. Contact us at DirtyTackle@gmail.com with your Dirty Tackles of the Week and Life Ref queries, and find us on Twitter at: @DirtyTackle, @BrooksDT, @RyanJayBailey, @TheoMessiDT, on Instagram: @DirtyTackle & Facebook.com/DirtyTackle.

Music: Kendrick Lamar – Element (Instrumental) (Reprod. Wocki Beats,) Big Pun – Still Not a Player, Limp Bizkit – Nookie

July 20, 2017


There’s lots of vitriol as Ryan gets curmudgeonly about eSports, Theo lashes out on summer friendlies in the U.S., and Brooks gets heated about manufactured transfer rumors. A listener’s question about switching club allegiances is also debated. To hear an extended version of the show with a bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week on DT Extra Time, we discuss Jose Mourinho, new player initiations, and ESPN’s most influential people in football list.

July 15, 2017


This week, we take aim at Roman Abramovich’s choice of gifts, the Dutch butterflies who shut down friendly football, and the bores at the 2. Bundesliga. We also catch you up on the Summer of Mino, Milan’s awakening, Kyle Walker’s massive transfer, and the shocking host for the 2026 World Cup. To hear an extended version of the show with a bonus “Extra Time” segment, contribute at patreon.com/dirtytackle! This week on DT Extra Time, we discuss Florent Malouda and the Gold Cup, a Stormzy/Lukaku mixup, and Theo’s review of some new kits around world football.