And the howlers that made them

Founder/editor George Quraishi attended seven games at the ’94 World Cup. A month later, his first eye exam confirmed he had seen none of it.

Editor and Dirty Tackle founder Brooks Peck was once referred to as “Brook Phelps” by Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore.

Editor David Rudin became the first child in neighborhood history to be kicked off his little league team mid-season due to lack of athletic talent.

Creative director Ryan Thacker is better at coming up with self-deprecating humor on the fly than when given advance notice and a deadline.

When a tape of the ’06 Champions League final was played during a bus trip, copy chief Marshall Doig amused his high school teammates by predicting, a year after the match, that Arsenal would beat Barcelona.

Editor John Bolster overslept and missed the first half of the US-Argentina friendly in 1999, then arrived to find his seats in the heart of the Argentine section and got an earful of airhorn for celebrating the U.S.’s 1–0 win.

In his first soccer game, editor David Gendelman kicked more shins than he did soccer balls. It was the high point of his playing career.

Editor Beck Barnes was carded for dissent as an eight year-old. But seriously, that ref was an idiot.

Editor John Wilkinson once had in his possession two pairs of David Beckham’s jeans but gave them away because they didn’t fit.

The Play host Bobby Warshaw was sent off for trying to score with a bicycle kick but accidentally catching this guy in the face. (He apologized.)

Upon being subbed into a middle school basketball game, copy editor Erin Cramer sank her first shot. Too bad it was in the wrong hoop.

The day before starting a new job, copy editor Robbie Vogel broke his wrist playing basketball and spent the first six weeks t-y-p-i-n-g with one hand.

Years before he would become the host of Howler Radio, Matthew Nelson, age 16 and suffering from a hangover, found himself at a youth match between Heart of Midlothian and Dunfermline. The ball dribbled out of play and landed at his feet. When he attempted to throw it back onto the field, the ball got tangled in his jacket and landed back at his feet.

When editorial assistant Faisal Sikdar worked for the county of Sarasota, he was tasked with preventing a vandal known as the Penis Bandit from scrawling his eponymous appendage in various public locations, but the Penis Bandit remains at large.

The last time Dummy producer Nick Janzen played in an actual soccer league, his team went 1–7. The lone victory came from a forfeit.

The Mixxed Zone host Jen Cooper had her first big broadcast gig—Sun Belt conference final—cut short when the TV truck caught fire.

Podcast producer Wes Burdine was described as, “um, a bit awkward,” in a televised game at the Pennsylvania state high school volleyball tournament.

The Double Pivot host Mike L. Goodman didn’t realize he had stood in line for 20 minutes next to Bill Hamid until a barista told him a month later.

They wouldn’t let podcast producer Kryssy Pease check in for a flight to watch her Wisconsin Badgers play (and lose) in the 2011 Rose Bowl. Because she never actually purchased the plane ticket.

Paris Prepis once ditched school on a Thursday and drove four hours to see A Tribe Called Quest only to discover that the show had taken place on Wednesday.

The one an only time Nandita Misir hit a home run in little league softball, she ran the wrong way around the bases.

Editorial assistant Sam Patterson required his third knee surgery in 13 months after wandering into a brawl between soccer hooligans and a riot squad in Montenegro.

Every time editorial assistant Gaby Kirschner has bought a player’s jersey, that player has changed teams in the following transfer window.

There was a time when Dylan Onderdonk-Snow didn’t rate Sergio Busquets as one of the all-time greats, and he looks back upon this time with feelings of intense shame and self-loathing.

Playing on Scotland’s west coast and assisted by a strong wind, editorial assistant Thoralf Karlsen once scored an own goal from 40 yards out.

Editorial assistant Jack Hazzard likes to think of himself as a poor man’s Eden Hazard (only with a greater respect for ball kids).

In his only season as a soccer player, designer Nikolai Laba was made a goalkeeper after the third practice because his touch was so awful.

Contributor Luis Aguirre trained his cat to wake him early during the 2010 World Cup. The games stopped but Belle has not, so he still gets up at 5 a.m.

While playing tee-ball at age six, contributor Phil West ran to third base instead of first. (This appears to be a pattern.)