Last week’s most ridiculous soccer moments

By Dan Stelly and Jacob Klinger

Julian Koch scores five seconds into St. Pauli’s Jan. 20 friendly against FC Winterthur. He also makes a pretty strong argument for winter breaks. [Source: fcstpauli.tv]

Thibaut Courtois denies a swerving Adam Lallana half volley in the 79th minute. Because Liverpool is not allowed to beat Chelsea, apparently. [Source: gfycat.com]

Jonathan Pereira does one of those things you’re really only allowed to do in second divisions. Mallorca seem to belong there. Pereira’s finish was one of two that helped Real Valladolid bury Mallorca, 5–1. [Source: Pucelano Enfuricedo]

Breel Donald Embolo rather coolly sidefoots a 50-yard ball into the net in FC Basel’s friendly against Dynamo Kiev. It’s worth noting that he’s 17. [Source: gfycat].

Waide Fairhurst definitely meant to shoot here. [Source: Vine]