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If you throw ice cream at Frank Lampard, he will catch it in a cup
James Rodriguez’s excuses for leading cops on a high speed chase are fantastic
Conspiracy Theory: Rafa Benitez wants to wear Jose Mourinho’s skin
If it continued…and thankfully it didn’t (Man Utd v Chelsea)
Jose Mourinho already being welcomed to Man Utd by scarf vendors outside Old Trafford
Meanwhile, in the wilderness of Sweden…
Louis van Gaal walks out of press conference as Man United manager
Omar Gonzalez unveiled at Pachuca in a Darth Vader costume
DTotD: Turkish player tackles opponent, then viciously kicks him in the head
Future News: Sick children make charitable visit Louis van Gaal’s house
Petr Cech forms a festive band with Alexis Sanchez and Nacho Monreal
The most deluded quotes from Sepp Blatter’s suspension press conference