“You know what our training sessions need? More mortal danger.”

Goalkeepers have always been a strange breed, but Argentine fourth-division club Dock Sud have taken that notion a bit too far by developing a training regimen for their keepers that appears to be an elaborate ploy to try and murder them all.

In a video shared by the club, their keepers are shown diving for balls thrown over a burning fence, dangling upside down from a hastily crafted leg noose, jumping off a children’s bicycle to make saves, parrying balls while kneeling on rubber barrels, and jumping over human beings in a swampy mud pit.

The only possible explanation for this is that their goalkeeping coach is Steve-O. Presumably whichever keeper doesn’t suffer a neck injury during training gets to start at the weekend.

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