Maradona’s FIFA presidential campaign promises
June 22, 2015
According to Uruguayan journalist Victor Hugo Morales, Diego Maradona plans to run for FIFA president. The World Cup winner previously suggested he would be vice president of FIFA if Prince Ali is elected to replace Sepp Blatter. But now it seems he has set his sights higher and, naturally, he has some ideas on how he can improve FIFA.
-First act in office: Launch Pele into the sun.
-All member nations will be required to make paying taxes optional for professional footballers.
-FIFA headquarters will be moved from Switzerland to a Burger King in Caracas, Venezuela.
-Qatar will get two World Cups instead of just the one if they rename the country Maradonatar.
-Handballs are totally fine, but only during World Cups.
-Players who test positive for cocaine will be punished by being forced to share their supply with the FIFA president.
-Should Pele make it back from the sun, he will be fed to that sea dinosaur from Jurassic World.
-If the sea dinosaur refuses to eat Pele because he won’t shut up about Neymar and probably tastes like stale Subway sandwiches, Pele will be forced to build all of Qatar’s stadiums by himself.
-Once he finishes that, Pele will then be launched back into the sun a second time and all FIFA member nations possessing nuclear weapons will be required to fire them at the sun to ensure that he doesn’t come back again.
-Any FIFA money left over after dealing with Pele once and for all will be spent on kids playing football or whatever.