Pep Guardiola is losing his mind
August 4, 2015
It’s finally happening. Pep Guardiola is collapsing under the weight of his own genius and the Audi Cup, of all things, is proving to be the catalyst of his unraveling.
First, there was his odd behavior at the press conference preceding the mini-tournament. What sane human being looks at the Audi Cup with such gleeful desire?
He then tried to peek inside it, as if it would be filled with an assortment of flavored popcorn or something. Also note that even Rafa Benitez was comparatively in control of himself here.
Hypnotized by the meaningless trophy, Guardiola only got weirder as reporters asked him and his fellow managers questions. Watch as he stares at the ground, first with his mouth agape, then while rocking back and forth. It’s like a scene out of a horror film where a freshly lobotomized football coach gets possessed by a demon and only Thomas Müller can stop him (Mario Götze obviously gets murdered while having sex early on in the film).
This wasn’t just one bad day, though. At halftime of Bayern’s match against Milan, Guardiola got into a shouting match with Nigel De Jong in the tunnel. NIGEL DE JONG!!! The same Nigel De Jong who kicked Xabi Alonso in the chest simply for existing in the wrong place.
Once Xabi emerged from a makeshift panic room, he must have asked Guardiola why he would do this. And Guardiola’s response was almost certain another prolonged vacant stare into another dimension.
Maybe it was the German Super Cup loss to Wolfsburg or that time he tore his pants last season, but whatever drove him to this, there is no turning back. Watch yourself, Mario Götze. Bang with the lights on…just to be safe.