The BBC aired a documentary about Wayne Rooney that included some truly spectacular revelations about the England captain and all-time leading scorer.
Wayne says: “I used to love writing poems, even before I was with Coleen.
“I don’t know why, I used to like to write little stories too. So when I first got with Coleen I used to write her lots of poems. They have died down a bit of late.”
But before you confuse Rooney for Wordsworth, consider the way in which he proposed to his wife Coleen.
Coleen’s mum Colette says: “He loved her, you could see it. He proposed at the petrol station.
What a combination of sentences that is! Please continue, Colette.
“They were supposed to go for a meal somewhere but he couldn’t wait. So I think he must have got the engagement ring out at the petrol station.
“The never went out for the meal. They came home and had corned beef hash.”
And then he proceeded to employ the services of multiple prostitutes, even while Coleen was pregnant with their first child. How sweet.
Anyway, DT has obtained some of Rooney’s poetry. Have a look…
Dream Skill by Wayne Rooney
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I wish I could burp
“I love you”
Horngry by Wayne Rooney
You are pretty
Meat tastes good
Lets make love
Then have a kebab
Beautiful Eyes by Wayne Rooney
When I gaze into your eyes
I can see the reflection of the hot waitress standing behind me
Now I know why people tell others
That they have beautiful eyes
You have beautiful eyes
Meat by Wayne Rooney
Kicking Stuff by Wayne Rooney
Scoring goals is the best
Karate is awesome too
One time I kicked a pumpkin
Just kidding, I do that all the time