Iniestanalysis: The curious case of Andres Iniesta’s family Mario Kart session
December 9, 2015
Serious, in-depth analysis isn’t something we do very often at Dirty Tackle, so DT contributor Elliott Turner is here to help us fill that gap with an important investigation into something you and your family need to know about: the hidden truth of Andres Iniesta’s tweets.
Over the past five years, Twitter has opened exciting new possibilities for everyday fans like you and me to get closer with our idols of sport. Yes, some players have social media teams and publicists behind the Twitter handle, but you also get some pretty cool bursts of emotion and humor. For every Freddy Adu trying to sell you a vacuum, a sly Pique tweet full of smiley faces will lighten your day (if you are a Barca fan) as Real Madrid suffers.
Yet sometimes fans don’t know how to react to a tweet. And the the other day, Andres Iniesta unleashed a wave of debate and conspiracy theorists.
A punto de empezar la carrera… Quién ganará?? #MarioKart pic.twitter.com/NBOOvhS8S0
— Andrés Iniesta (@andresiniesta8) December 7, 2015
In under 140 characters accompanied by an image, presumably the Iniesta clan — his wife, young daughter, and Don Andres himself — sit on a couch and allegedly prepare to play MarioKart. Don Andres writes in Spanish “A punto de empezar la carrera…Quien ganara?” In English, this would translate to: “About to start the race…Who will win?” On its face, you like both Spanish soccer and Mario Kart. Across the world, thousands of families partake in playing said video game. This tweet makes you happy. You can relate. However, a closer look at the twittpic raises really profound questions about life, death, art, and commerce.
First, as noted by Barca fan Moloch, the entire living room arrangement makes little sense. Why would the Iniesta family position their couch to not be facing the television? Do they really spend more time talking to one another and reading as opposed to getting their retinas seduced by reality TV? My neck hurts just looking at them looking at the TV screen.
Second, why on Earth is Andres Iniesta holding a handheld Nintendo, presumably the 3DS XL, when Mario Kart allows for four controllers and thus four players on the regular WiiU console? Even if you can sync the 3DS XL with a WiiU console, why bother? Why not just shell out $15 for a third controller?
Third, and most controversially, exactly what kind of TV does Don Andres own? Footballers live flashy lifestyles and the lack of a concave curve to the TV seems odd seeing as they are ever so popular on higher-end HD TVs. The screen quality actually kinda looks like a projector, and the odd-looking white box shaped object on the coffee table is either a projector or perhaps a stack of binders. The plate on top indicates it’s probably the latter, yet in this picture we cannot see where the actual WiiU is located — only the black antenna. Don Andres may own a projector TV…or some clever ad campaign specialist brought one for a photo shoot.
Fourth, who took the picture? The young girl is clearly Valeria Iniesta, but Andres’ son is only two years old and thus presumably unable to work a smartphone. Could it be a friend or family member? Maybe, but do you invite friends and family members over to watch you pay MarioKart and take pictures? No, didn’t think so. Also, if you look closely, the only light in the room emanates from the TV. No window is visible. However, no flash appears in the pic but Don and his wife both show up perfectly clear. That smells of professional lighting and photography. On the other hand, Andres earns quite a pretty penny by playing futbol. Does he really need the advertising dollars from an ambush campaign?
Sadly, we may never know the truth. Don Andres is not a public entity, so I have no grounds to harass him with public records requests unlike my work at Vice Sports. Until Don Andres is declared a national patronage by Spain like Pele in Brazil during the 1960’s, the cat shall remain in the bag.
Elliott is the author of Real Madrid & Barcelona: the Making of a Rivalry. He also pens nonsense at his own site: Futfanatico.com