HomeDirty TacklePep Guardiola chooses a strange time to explain his moon landing conspiracy theories to Joshua Kimmich

Pep Guardiola chooses a strange time to explain his moon landing conspiracy theories to Joshua Kimmich

March 7, 2016


Guardiola: Hey! Hey, Joshy! Come here! You think the moon landing was real?

Kimmich: What? Yeah, I guess.

Guardiola: Oh you crazy, crazy kid. Come here. [Hugs him] I’m about to blow your mind.

Kimmich: Uh, ok.

Guardiola: If humans are here on Earth, how do you think we could get them all the way over there to the moon?

Kimmich: I don’t know, rockets?

Guardiola: Rockets? Rockets? You seriously think a rocket can get human beings from Earth to the freaking moon? Think about this. Think about this, Joshy. [Touches their foreheads together] Van Allen Belts! Van Allen Belts! You think human beings can survive going through the radiation of the Van Allen Belts?

Kimmich: I don’t know.

Guardiola: That’s right! You don’t know! Then there’s the shadows! Watch the video! There’s got to be a light source here and another here! Multiple light sources! There’s only one sun! This isn’t planet Tatooine from Star Wars with two suns! That means they were using artificial light on a Hollywood soundstage! Here and here! Here and here, Joshy! How can you have shadows going this way and others going that way? It’s not possible! They hired Stanley Kubrick to film it on a soundstage. If you watch The Shining very closely, you’ll see the clues he gives that reveal his involvement!

Kimmich: Ok, but how did I play, boss? I’m still not used to playing at centerback and-

Guardiola: That doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter! This is what’s really important! Everyone is lying to us, Joshua. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. But yeah, you played great.

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