Someone at the FA got paid to tell England to play “intelligently”

Finally deciding that 48 years of disappointment is enough, the FA has unveiled something called an “England DNA philosophy” that is basically just common sense in PowerPoint form.

Presented by U-21 head coach Gareth Southgate, director of elite development Dan Ashworth, and head of player and coach development Matt Crocker, the philosophy is perhaps the least revolutionary set of ideas ever assembled.

First, there’s how England should play (hint: intelligently)…

Some guidelines that didn’t make the cut: Try using your feet, be good at stuff, and don’t attempt to hold your breath for the entire match. Then there’s advice to England coaches…

Other bullet points include: “Don’t put all your best players on a bus and then drive it off a cliff,” “inflate balls before having players train with them,” and “resist the urge to swallow your tongue during major tournaments.”

With all of this now written down, England might not actually play more intelligently, but at least they’ll use the word more.