Andy Carroll needs protection from himself

Andy Carroll is a menace to one man and one man only: Andy Carroll. His career has been plagued by injuries — including a fall off a bar stool in 2011. But now he’s hurting himself with increased regularity.

According to Sam Allardyce, the 6’3″ striker was left out of West Ham’s squad for their midweek FA Cup tie at Everton because he “kicked the floor in training and obviously his foot’s a bit sore so we didn’t bring him with us.” And then on Friday, he nearly sliced off his pinky, apparently while making lunch.

So why is Carroll hurting himself so frequently? Well, he recently moved into a new house and the timing might not be a coincidence. Look at this place…

If you lived in a house that looked like that, you’d be so disoriented that you’d go around kicking the floor and chopping off your own fingers, too.