I hate to say I told you so, but I totally 100% told you so. Bayern came back from a shock 3–1 loss to Porto in the first leg of their Champions League quarterfinal to beat them 6–1 in the second leg (five Bayern goals scored before halftime). This was Pep Guardiola’s plan all along.
Before the match, worried Bayern supporters urged their team to “Never give up!” with a giant tifo at one end of the Allianz Arena, but an hour later their domination of Porto made that assertion look comical. It was so overwhelming that even Guardiola himself couldn’t watch the devastation he had wrought.
And he somehow tore a large hole in the side of his pants, too.
Then he put his hand inside the hole and things got weird.
Bayern will now look to do two things: 1) avoid a repeat of last year’s 5–0 aggregate loss to Real Madrid in the semifinals and 2) secure more durable pants for Guardiola in order to help him avoid the temptation of pleasuring himself in public again. And maybe 3) take away the megaphone from Thomas Muller.