Gonzalo Higuain, Destroyer of Dreams, strikes again


With Chile and Argentina scoreless in the Copa America final, Gonzalo Higuain, a man who will never be confused with King Midas, replaced Kun Aguero in the 74th minute. Carlos Tevez, meanwhile, remained on the bench. This proved to be a huge, huge mistake.

In case you need a reminder, this is what Higuain did in the World Cup final, which Argentina went on to lose in extra time, less than a year ago:


And during injury time against Chile, Higuain had another chance to be a national hero. But again, he blew it.


The match then went to extra time, and finally penalties. Now, Higuain missed four of the seven penalties he took in Serie A last season. That’s more than half. And yes, that is apparently possible for someone who is not legally blind.

Given that, Higuain should have been at the very end of the penalty taking order, behind the goalkeeper, ball boy, and any inanimate objects that could be moved onto pitch. Instead, he went second. SECOND. And he blasted his shot into another dimension BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DID.


Higuain wasn’t Argentina’s only penalty disaster, though. Ever Benega went next for them and had his shot saved (but at least he put it on frame), allowing Chile to win the Copa America for the first time ever.

So for the second consecutive tournament, Argentina lost in the final by a slim margin and for the second straight tournament, Lionel Messi, who converted Argentina’s only penalty in shootout, was sad.


At this point, Messi has to be wishing he opted to play for Spain instead of Argentina. Not because he doesn’t love his country, but just to get the hell away from Gonzalo Higuain.