— Manchester United (@ManUtd) May 30, 2016
With his contract signed, image rights squared away, and new Instagram account pumping out content, Jose Mourinho was all set to check out Manchester United’s Carrington training complex on Monday.
The MUTV cameras were there to capture this historic moment and the first thing you’ll notice about the resulting video is the upbeat supermarket training film soundtrack they attached to it.
With CEO/hall monitor Ed Woodward serving as his positively giddy tour guide, Mourinho strolled into the building with his shirt untucked and notebooks in hand. He introduced himself around the lobby (even Woodward couldn’t pass up the chance to get a handshake off him) and headed up the stairs to scope out the offices.
From there, it was back outside to meet with member of the club’s board of directors Sir Bobby Charlton, who has never been terribly fond of Mourinho and was reportedly amongst the faction that was able to prevent him from getting the job until now. In 2012, Charlton said, “Mourinho is a really good coach but that’s as far as I would go really,” adding “He pontificates too much for my liking.” And on the subject of Mourinho poking then Barcelona assistant Tito Vilanova in the eye during a particularly heated 2011 Spanish Super Cup, Charlton opined “A United manager wouldn’t do that.”
But now that Mourinho has the job, he and Charlton have to act chummy in front of the cameras while Woodward stands by, completely unsure what to do with his hands.
“I’m very happy to see you,” Charlton said in a hilariously unconvincing fashion just before the cheesy music swells to drown out Charlton’s defeated sigh and firm warning that he won’t stand for any shenanigans.
Mourinho then made the interaction even more uncomfortable by telling the 1966 World Cup winner “You killed my country’s dream in 1966 [when England beat Portugal 2–1 in the semifinals thanks to a brace from Charlton], but even so…all respect. You killed them.”
Charlton chuckled, then the jazzercise soundtrack obscures what was likely a string of obscenities that preceded a half-hearted “congratulations.”
Finally, it was time for the Woodward and Mourinho photoshoot that was likely arranged just for the purposes of Woodward’s Christmas card this year. The CEO looked more like a fan meeting his favorite superhero at Comic-Con than an employer welcoming a new employee. At several points during the video, you can almost see Mourinho deciding to start every work day by giving Woodward an atomic wedgie.
Anyway, here’s the covershot for an industrial services corporation’s annual report…
And here’s Jose with his swag bag…
Look at the jubilation written all over his face. “No Champions League football, but the free stuff is nice,” he probably told his wife on the drive home.