The Court of Catalonia has sentenced Lionel Messi to 21 months in prison or playing two more major cup finals with Gonzalo Higuain as a teammate. Messi and his father, who was sentenced to 21 months in prison or going three consecutive hours without telling anyone that he is Lionel Messi’s father, were found guilty of not paying taxes on the Barcelona star’s image rights, owing €4 million to the government.
In Spain, prison sentences of less than two years are usually suspended for first-time offenders like the Messis, but Lionel told the court he would “rather spend 21 years in prison” than endure even one more cup final with Higuain there to ruin everything. Messi recently retired from international football after losing a third cup final in as many years with Argentina, thanks in part to Higuain fluffing a golden scoring opportunity, also for the third final in a row. Messi went on to miss Argentina’s first penalty in the Copa America Centenario final’s decisive shootout against Chile, as he was surely preoccupied by thoughts of murdering Higuain with a waffle iron.
When asked for comment, Diego Maradona said, “I owed the Italian government €30 million in back taxes and I didn’t need my daddy to help me do it, either. So Messi has a long way to go before he can be considered as good as me on or off the pitch. He just doesn’t have the personality to be a leader in tax evasion.”