Several excellent rebrand options for “toxic” CONCACAF

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Three of CONCACAF’s last four presidents currently face criminal charges from the U.S. Department of Justice (the fourth was merely banned from all football activities for trying to overstep his authority), so the North and Central American governing body’s new president, Victor Montagliani, thinks it’s time to sweep all of their dirt back under the rug with a rebrand.

From Reuters:

“We’re going to go through an exhaustive process in terms of both brand, just the logo itself, and if you are going to look at the logo you might as well look at the name as well,” Victor Montagliani told Reuters.

“Is it (the name) conducive to the brand, do we need to change so it’s a little bit more slick?,” the Canadian said at the Leaders sport business conference at Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge ground.

“Obviously there has been some toxic waste there,” he added. “But it’s more looking forward…”

This is the perfect opportunity to finally put my degree in marketing to good use. Here are some top quality options for CONCACAF to consider:

WNCAH — (We’re Not Corrupt Anymore, Honest!) This would clearly convey the message they want to get across with a rebrand. Plus I’m pretty sure they can buy the exclamation mark from Yahoo on the cheap right now.

SGTAANAACE — (Sunil Gulati’s Totally Aboveboard And Not At All Criminal Enterprise) Like the first option, this one makes it clear that nothing shady is going on in this organization. As an added bonus, it also highlights the region’s FIFA kingmaker so there’s no confusion as to who the true boss is.

WCISEFAOMNWCIF — (We Call It Soccer, Except For All Our Member Nations Who Call It Futbol) Self-explanatory.

FIABFTUSDOJ — (Fish In A Barrel For The U.S. Department of Justice) At this point, I’m pretty sure CONCACAF exists just as a training exercise for new federal agents.

CLOWNS — This doesn’t stand for anything, but it is accurate.

$$$$$$ — Simple. To the point. And presents a wide array of merchandising opportunities.

Now, I will grant you that some of these acronyms are unsightly and difficult to pronounce, but saying “CONCACAF” makes you sound like you’re choking on peanut butter, so I consider of these to be a step up.