HomeDirty TackleDavid Moyes politely sticks it to everyone after beating Barcelona

David Moyes politely sticks it to everyone after beating Barcelona

January 4, 2015


David Moyes, a once widely respected football manager who unwittingly signed up to become a clown pinata when he took charge of Manchester United, claimed a sliver of redemption with relegation threatened Spanish side Real Sociedad by beating Barcelona 1–0. He even managed to get Barca to score the match’s only goal against themselves (Jordi Alba in the second minute).

As the world sang his praises for the first time in a long while, Moyes was rightly feeling pretty wonderful after the match. But being the good sport that he is, he still took the time to shake hands with several key Barcelona players. Here’s what he said as he did so…


“You and Neymar were too afraid to start against my team, eh Leo? Knew you couldn’t hang for 90 minutes against the Moyes Machine, huh? Well I’ll give you my number later. You can call me if you want to come play for a real manager. Maybe you can play with Steven Gerrard here. He’s probably calling me right now.”


“The bad news is that you lost to me, Xavi, but the good news is that I’ll have a spot for you on my coaching staff when I eventually take over at Barca. How does that sound? Hell, I’ll even let you be the groundskeeper too. Take your time and think about it, though. It’ll probably be a few days before they officially offer me the job.”


“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old pal Luis Suarez. Why didn’t celebrate Alba’s goal by diving in front of me again? Or better yet, why didn’t you score a couple yourself? Having a little trouble over here, are you Luis? Well I’m not. I feel like royalty here. In fact, you can call me Real David.”


“How many La Liga matches did Alex Ferguson win in his career?! That’s right! I am Real David: Master of Iberia! Now make some internet meme pictures about that!”





Zidane: “The Champions League made me dump other competitions so we can stay together”

January 27, 2018

Alexis Sanchez and Henrikh Mkhitaryan accidentally realize their dreams at the same time

January 23, 2018

Man United’s biggest January signing: This tractor

January 20, 2018

Enter your best email for full access to the site.