The week’s most absurd soccer moments

By Sam Patterson

Carlos Tevez has reasonable grounds to pursue a judicial maximum on battery for the tackle Lunas defender Gustavo Gomez unleashed on him. [source: CBS Sports]

Schalke 04 midfielder Johannes Geis went studs up into Monchengladbach’s Andre Hahn. [source: Fox Sports]

Diego Costa found his childhood clothes on the set of Assassin’s Creed Syndicate’s photo shoot, proof that if one can think of a cross-industry marketing stunt, it will happen. [source: Assassins Creed UK]

It’s not everyday that a referee manages to notch a back-heeled assist. Peruvian club Juan Aurich, however, won’t be marveling at the unlikelihood. [source: 101greatgoals]

FC Twente attacker Hakim Ziyech exuded the calm finishing of a poacher, before making like a newborn giraffe on the celebration. [source: youtube]

CSKA’s Pontus Kornbloom saw an opportunity to frame Marouane Fellaini and he snatched it, damn the reality of the thing. [Who Ate All The Pies]

Saliou Ciss, a defender at Valenciennes, got the time-out he deserved for over a minute of cranky and violent flailing. [source: Bleacher Report]