You did it. You got me sacked. Seven months after winning the league, four months after signing contract extension, you got me sacked. Again. Bravo for you.
Are you proud of yourselves? You should be. This is impressive accomplishment. Very impressive. It is your first victory in a while, so congratulations.
There are some specific players I would like to say goodbye to.
Diego Costa, I defend you every time you forget you are playing football and not UFC. Every single time. And still you score just one goal for every Premier League title I have won, then throw bibs at me. Good riddance.
Eden Hazard, you sold all of your talent to Riyad Mahrez for what? The secret of how to “get hurt” anytime things don’t go well for you? Jamie Vardy’s autograph? I look forward to seeing how I get blamed for your terrible form with Belgium, too. Good riddance.
Cesc Fabregas, I save you from the Barcelona bench and give you something Arsenal never could: a Premier League winner’s medal. And still you play most of the time like a newborn deer that is struck by lightning every matchday. Good riddance.
John Terry, I save your career from other managers who tried to end it. I give you titles and success. You were my captain. And still there were more moles in my squad than on my body. Good riddance.
Falcao, I totally forgot you exist until just now. Completely forgot. Good riddance.
Branislav Ivanovic, I would say good riddance, but I still find you to be even more frightening than your form, so instead I will avoid making eye contact and move on.
Earlier I congratulated you all on the success of getting rid of me, but it is actually a loss for you. The only thing that kept the world from constantly talking about how disappointing you are, how bad you are, was their love of talking about me. Now you don’t have me to protect you. You are left exposed by your own betrayal. The truth will now be seen.
No other manager will punish two perfectly good physios to distract from your lack of fight late in the match. No other manager will blame the ball boys when you’re one point out of relegation zone. No other manager will make accusation of time wasting when you can’t beat Bournemouth. No other manager will call the same tactics he uses unfair when you can’t score against West Ham. And still you betray me.
You are all weak and naive and shit.
See you in hell (or when I return to manage Chelsea again in four years),
P.S. People may say that this makes me the specialist in failure now. But I am not. I fail for 16 matches after winning the league and while finishing top of the Champions League group and I get sacked, but Wenger does not win the league for 11 years and has never won the Champions League and still he has the same job. Clearly this is a true specialist. Remarkable.