“Thanks for the memories but it’s time to say goodbye”? Why? Are you going somewhere? Off to support Chelsea perhaps? Because here’s a timeline of how my week went: I beat Jurgen Klopp — the guy you probably want to replace me — 2–0 at home in the Champions League, and then I went to the Hawthorns and beat West Brom — the strongest of the Premier League’s currently 15th-place teams — with a goal from the player that I am quickly turning into the new Thierry Henry.

In other words, I’m still making memories for which you should be thanking me. So if anyone should leave, it’s you, Bendtner brains. WA-BAM!

But I don’t want that. Really, I don’t. Instead, I want more ungrateful supporters to bring signs like this one to all of our matches. Did that just blow your non-FA Cup winning mind? Good. Now I’ll explain.

The last time I saw this exact banner was in 2012 when it was brought to a 5–2 win at Reading. That means I have two wins in as many matches as this legible stupidity has been trotted out. Clearly the lack of faith powers me like I’m some kind of anti-Tinkerbell. And it’s a win-win-win situation because whenever this banner is present, I get three points, the supporters are happy, and the ones who want me to leave get laughed at by me as I successfully avoid noticing that we’re currently behind West Ham in the league table. WA-BAM!

So bring more of these things to every match. “Wenger out,” “Make like a French tree and leave,” “Join Alan Pardew on a long walk off a short pier” — bring them all and maybe I’ll win the treble this season.

Just remember that while you’re spending your time making signs that are guaranteed to backfire, I’m doing things that sometimes result in wins against teams that are struggling even more than my own. WA-BAM!

You can thank me later.