It started with a warning shortly before Sunday’s match between Arsenal and Chelsea. Twitter user @saskiaisabxlla shared a screenshot of a text message later revealed to be from her boyfriend. It read “I might make an Arsenal exam for you” and was followed by the threat of “If you fail, we’re through.”
That’s an absurd statement followed by an even more absurd statement. At best they make up a poor joke and at worst they serve as grounds for dumping him. What would even prompt such a ridiculous line of thinking? Well, in his defense, there was reasonable grounds for questioning her allegiances.
So, presumably using the downtime afforded by Arsenal’s drab, scoreless draw with Chelsea, this madman actually went and made a 22-question exam for his girlfriend. And instead of tearing it up and finding a new boyfriend who doesn’t spend his time making exams about football clubs, she actually took it.
With formal instructions and advice, the exam was divided into sections and featured questions like “name the starting 11 squad of this season and their relevant positions” and “In your own words, explain why Alexis Sanchez is better than Eden Hazard.”
Though she thought Mesut Ozil was a defender and got the score of last season’s FA Cup final wrong, she finished with a score of 43.5 out of 50 possible points. The grade was accompanied by feedback that included “Learn ALL player positions!!” and “Tottenham are scum.” Finally, the boyfriend wrote, “Well done, Saskia. As a result, I will not be dumping you! [Lucky you]”
Even if this was a hoax, and for Saskia’s sake we can only hope it was, someone still went to the effort of putting together an Arsenal exam. This is the world we live in.