Cristiano Ronaldo introduces his new fragrance “Buttloads of Goals”

Having endured an agonizing spell of two matches without scoring, Cristiano Ronaldo decided to go ahead and score five against Espanyol. He scored his initial hat trick within the first 20 minutes of the 6–0 win, then added two more in the second half for good measure.

Cristiano now holds Real Madrid’s La Liga scoring record with 229 goals, surpassing Raul’s 228. The most remarkable part of this feat, however, is that Ronaldo scored his 229 in just 203 matches, whereas Raul needed 550 matches to score his 228.

This comes days after Cristiano debuted his new fragrance, appropriately called “Cristiano Ronaldo Legacy.” Apparently it acts as defender repellant.

“Smells like goals. And casual sex in a five-star hotel room.”