Real Madrid president wanders streets offering strangers €200 million for any footballer they might own

Prior to Manchester United paying €105 million for Paul Pogba this month, Real Madrid proudly held the previous five world record transfers. Now desperate to reclaim the record, Real Madrid president Florentino Perez has been spotted wandering the streets of major European cities offering random strangers large sums of money in a misguided bid to usurp Man United.

“It was quite strange,” said Daniel Freise of London. “This man I had never seen before came running up to me on my way to work and shouted, ‘I’m Florentino Perez, I’ll give you €200 million for any footballer you have!’ I told him that I don’t have any footballers. I’m an account executive for a kitchenware firm. Then he sighed and went up to someone else and said the same thing. It was unnerving for everyone.”

People in Munich, Paris, Milan, and Barcelona have all reported similar incidents and Real Madrid officials are beginning to worry.

“Mr. Perez disappeared shortly after Man United completed the Pogba signing and no one at the club has heard from him since,” said Real Madrid spokeswoman Mariana Silva. “We tried to reassure him that we would reclaim the world transfer record soon, but he began to hyperventilate and threw money around the office. Then he was gone. Mr. Perez, if you see this, please come back. Everyone is worried about you.”