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Future News: Jose Mourinho announces his opposing manager insult schedule for the new season
Future News: Brazil claims football is “not really a big deal”
Future News: Aston Villa launch investigation into all their players not caught with laughing gas
Future News: Marouane Fellaini admits belief that opponents’ heads are filled with candy
Future News: Football matches to be replaced by 90 minutes of pure respect
Future News: Sick children make charitable visit Louis van Gaal’s house
Future News: FIFA presidential candidates insist they are real people
Future News: Yaya Toure proposes acceptable level of praise for Yaya Toure
Future News: Pepe claims Lionel Messi broke into his house and terrorized him in the night
Future News: FIFA denounces comedian for throwing insultingly small denominations of money at Sepp Blatter
Future News: Man City surprised to learn that there are no rules against winning consecutive Premier League titles
Future News: Frank Lampard demands retroactive transfer to the club he pretended to sign for