Leicester City

Goal Celebrations For The Apocalypse

What does it mean to be a soccer fan when the world is going to hell? What is the point of all this? I ask myself that question in my lowest moments, in the normal course of life and specifically in the context of being a soccer fan and writer. What purpose is there to …

Jamie Vardy can’t stop beating himself up

Someone needs to protect Jamie Vardy from himself Jamie Vardy came off the bench to score the second goal in England’s 2–0 win over Lithuania on Sunday, but that doesn’t mean he was entirely happy with his performance. At one point, he headbutted the ground—and this was after he had already scored. This is far from …

God: “Sacking Claudio Ranieri is a new low for humanity”

The almighty creator shocks the world by finally speaking out against mankind’s greatest crime (Leicester City) God, the supreme creator of all that exists, has stunned humankind by breaking His millennia-long press silence to speak out against Leicester City sacking title-winning manager Claudio Ranieri. “Human beings have committed some truly heinous acts against each other,” boomed …

Don’t cry for Claudio Ranieri

He for whom the bell dilly-dongs Claudio Ranieri, who was fired on Thursday, did many surprising things in his time with Leicester City. Most obviously, he led the club to its sole Premier League title. That is, reasonably enough, how soccer culture will remember him. In looking back on his time with club, however, the …

Jamie Vardy disguises himself as Jamie Vardy?

Vardy hasn’t been having much of a party this season In light of his recent three-match ban following a soft two-footed tackle on Stoke City’s Mame Biram Diouf, Leciester City striker Jamie Vardy found himself sitting in the stands during the Foxes’ Boxing Day match against Everton. Due to the harsh ban that the FA had …

Zlatan lookalike invades pitch, accosts the real Zlatan

Zlatan Ibrahimovic has apparently become so powerful that he is multiplying. One member of his secret army of clones escaped the containment facility and invaded the pitch during Man United’s match against Leicester in an attempt to unite with Original Zlatan and form a unified Mega Zlatan. Though stewards thwarted his efforts, Original Zlatan was …