We’d rather have Roy Carroll in our street gang than our starting 11.

The week’s most absurd soccer moments

By Sam Patterson

In Putin’s Russia, Spartak Moscow goalie Anton Mitryushkin rushes you. [source: youtube]

Burton Albion’s Abdenasser el Khayati took advantage of some last-minute, ill-advised tinkering of the wall by Colchester United to equalize. [source: /u/gfycat]

Santos attacker Nilson won’t get to enjoy the murky wonders of third-party ownership and Joorabchian-eque manipulations with shot attempts like that. [source: Dirty Tackle]

Credit Lyon right-back Rafael with an assist to Montpellier, and Manchester United with transfer smarts. [source: Ligue 1]

After this punt, it might just be time for Notts County goalie and aspiring quadragenerian Roy Carroll to hang up his boots. [source: Notts County FC]

It might be that the heat got to this Colombian defender in a match between Once Caldas and Deportivo Tolima [source: ESPN FC]