Sam Allardyce’s McDonald’s drive-thru experience
Employee: Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order? Allardyce: Hello, I’m the new England manager. Employee: Sam Allardyce? Allardyce: Yes. Now, since you lot sponsor The…
Nonsense
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Future News: Jose Mourinho announces his opposing manager insult schedule for the new season
With an influx of top managers into the Premier League this season, new Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho has announced that he will employ a regular insult…
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Future News: Brazil claims football is “not really a big deal”
Following a 0–0 draw with a 10-man South Africa in their first match of the Rio Olympics, Brazil has officially declared that the nation does not care…
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A brief conversation between Moyes, Ferguson, and Allardyce at Wayne Rooney’s testimonial
Former Man United and current Sunderland manager David Moyes sits beside former Sunderland and current England manager Sam Allardyce and former Man United manager and current Man…
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A definitive answer to whether Gonzalo Higuain and every other player is worth their transfer fee
Juventus paid €90 million for Gonzalo Higuain — the 28-year-old destroyer of Lionel Messi’s dreams and Serie A’s top scorer last season. This is a lot of money for…
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A brief conversation with Wayne Rooney at a Man United partner event
Rooney: Is this an energy drink? Guy: It’s for cars, Wayne. Rooney: So if I drink it, will I go as fast as a car? Guy: No,…
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Cristiano Ronaldo writes a letter to Lionel Messi for no particular reason
(Getty) Dear Leo, First, I hope this letter reaches you. I didn’t know if I should send it to your house or the prison in Barcelona, so…
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DT Exclusive: Pep Guardiola’s attempt to boost Raheem Sterling’s damaged confidence
A pair of underwhelming performances to start Euro 2016 earned Raheem Sterling a place on the bench and an excessive amount of criticism both from the press…
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The underwhelming adventures of Barry Ronaldo
I’m Ronaldo. Barry Ronaldo. Cristiano Ronaldo’s identical twin brother. Since everybody always thinks I’m him, sometimes Cristiano lets me take his place so he can have a…
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Jurgen Klinsmann announces willingness to accept his critics’ deepest apologies
Well. Well. Well. Look who is in the Copa America Centenario semifinals. Since some people in this country have trouble recognizing good things that are right in…
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Artur Boruc’s Euro 2016 Preview
(Adam Jagielak/Getty Images) AHHHHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS MY EURO 2016 PREVIEW THAT I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I’M DOING!!!!!!! I WILL TELL YOU…
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Lionel Messi’s open letter to Gonzalo Higuain ahead of Copa America Centenario
Dear Gonzalo, Hi. It’s Leo (Messi). How are you? I am fine. I know our relationship hasn’t been at its strongest over the last couple years. Every…