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David Moyes will eat your chips but won’t touch your nuts

New MLS club posts embarrassing job ad for FIFA-playing millennial who can “walk the walk”

Cristiano Ronaldo’s son was excited to meet Lionel Messi at the Ballon d’Or gala

Zlatan Ibrahimovic scores French Cup goal with his chest/heart

Several possible explanations for Cristiano Ronaldo’s Ballon d’Or mating call

Intrigue at the Asian Cup

China’s keeper asks Aussie ball boy for penalty advice, hugs him for getting it right

DTotD: Atletico’s Gimenez goes unpunished for making Neymar bleed

Leo Messi says he has “no intention” of leaving Barcelona, ruins everything for rumor merchants

Roberto Mancini knocked down by errant ball to the face kicked by his own captain

Francesco Totti scores record-breaking derby goal, takes selfie with his phone

Manuel Neuer is apparently omnipotent in FIFA 15