Louis van Gaal’s suggested expectations for Manchester United fans
Between getting dumped from the Champions League to the Europa League and losing to Bournemouth, Louis van Gaal warned Manchester United fans that it was time to…
Nonsense
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Why none of the 2015 Ballon d’Or finalists deserve the award
The Ballon d’or nominees have been announced and, as usual, everyone has opinions on them. Even the nominees themselves. Neymar thinks Cristiano Ronaldo should have been left…
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Steven Gerrard tells everyone about LA during his return to training with Liverpool
“This is my ‘modeling jeans in an LL Bean catalog’ pose. Hi, I’m LA’s Steven Gerrard. You may remember me from such Liverpool moments as The Miracle…
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A highly accurate representation of watching Manchester United this season
See the nothingness? The uncaring empty void? Look at it. It doesn’t move. It just sits there. A goalless existence that cares not for your enjoyment or…
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If it continued… (Real Madrid v Barcelona)
The Santiago Bernabeu was pushed to the desperate act of waving of white handkerchiefs as Barcelona defeated Real Madrid 4–0. It was a show of complete domination…
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Everything you need to know about El Clasico
El Clasico is a match played several times per season between Team Messi (sometimes referred to as “FC Barcelona”) and Team Cristiano (sometimes referred to as “Real…
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Wayne Rooney condemns selection of David Beckham as the Sexiest Man Alive
This has been a very difficult year for me. I can’t even go to a WWE event without the wrestlers putting me down in front of my…
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Sponsored Post: Karim Benzema is YOUR sextape extortion middleman
Hi, I’m professional footballer Karim Benzema. You might remember me from those pictures of my cars on Instagram or all those times Arsenal tried to sign me.…
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Did Wayne Rooney retire and not tell anyone? An investigation
Manchester United captain Wayne Rooney has regularly seemed nonexistent this season. He was a ghost in last weekend’s Manchester derby and again in Man United’s Capital One…
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Letters from Bojan: A glimpse of darkness
The earnest question of whether Lionel Messi could do it on a cold, wet night in Stoke has persisted as a cliched joke for a few years…
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Future News: FIFA presidential candidates insist they are real people
Six of the eight FIFA presidential candidates have banded together to assure the public that they are, in fact, real people. Since announcing their candidacy for the…
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If it continued… (Arsenal v Bayern Munich)
Arsenal recovered from losing to Dinamo Zagreb and Olympiacos in their first two Champions League group stage matches to end Bayern Munich’s undefeated run with a 2–0…