Jose Mourinho explains Petr Cech’s move to Arsenal
Petr Cech has moved to Arsenal and, of course, this makes me sad. This makes me sad. Petr was at Chelsea for many years. We achieved great…
Nonsense
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The odd summer activities of professional footballers
(Getty) The offseason is short for professional footballers, but since they are so unaccustomed to the free time, they still manage to fill it with strange activities.…
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Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s sales pitch for his new fragrance
(Getty) I am Zlatan. I have a new fragrance that is also Zlatan. I command you to buy it. Two years of hard work went into the…
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Maradona’s FIFA presidential campaign promises
According to Uruguayan journalist Victor Hugo Morales, Diego Maradona plans to run for FIFA president. The World Cup winner previously suggested he would be vice president of…
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How the Premier League fixture list is compiled specifically to annoy Jose Mourinho
Premier League fixtures for the 2015/16 season have been released and to explain the mysterious process, the league’s official website published an interview with fixture list compiler…
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Places where Aston Villa’s Jack Grealish can sleep in Tenerife that are better than the middle of the street
Jack Grealish, Aston Villa’s talented 19-year-old midfielder and background actor in the period drama Peaky Blinders, was photographed sleeping in the middle of a street while on…
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Sepp Blatter’s preview of the 2015 Women’s World Cup
Since I, Sepp Blatter, am the godfather of women’s football, there is no one more qualified to tell you everything you need to know about the 2015…
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Falcao’s employment inquiry letter to Chelsea
Dear Mr. Mourinho, I recently read about Didier Drogba’s intention to leave Chelsea this summer and would like to find out if you are now looking for…
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An offseason postcard from Cristiano Ronaldo
(@Cristiano) Hello from beautiful St. Tropez! I just wanted to show you what a wonderful time I am having now that the season is officially over and…
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It’s just another great day at FIFA headquarters and no one is terrified
Hello. I am FIFA director of communications Walter de Gregorio and I am here to tell you that I am very tired and everything is super cool.…
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DT Exclusive: Sam Allardyce’s Real Madrid job interview
Real Madrid sacked Carlo Ancelotti a mere 24 hours after Sam Allardyce became available. Coincidence? Haha no. “I’m not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be…
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DT Exclusive: Man City’s confusing contract negotiation with James Milner
Manchester City have reportedly offered James Milner a four-year, £165,000 a week deal that he might reject. All of those words in one sentence is an incredible…