Xabi Alonso: A man of many poses
When you hire the Bayern Munich midfielder to model, you get your money’s worth This is called “Hoping no one notices you in the school pickup line” (adidas) Like…
Nonsense
-
-
Artur Boruc’s rageful recap of Bournemouth’s violent draw with Man United
A passionate perspective on a controversial match (Premier League) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN OUR DRAW WITH…
-
Artur Boruc’s rageful recap of Bournemouth’s violent draw with Man United
A passionate perspective on a controversial match (Premier League) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN OUR DRAW WITH…
-
Barcelona hire local accountant to replace Luis Enrique as manager
“We needed someone who can address our weaknesses,” says Leo Messi (Barcelona/Twitter) Following the unexpected announcement that Luis Enrique will leave Barcelona at the end of the season,…
-
God: “Sacking Claudio Ranieri is a new low for humanity”
The almighty creator shocks the world by finally speaking out against mankind’s greatest crime (Leicester City) God, the supreme creator of all that exists, has stunned humankind by…
-
The exact moment Wayne Rooney decided not to go to China, caught on film
Sampling a new culture can be intimidating After several days of intensified rumors that he could leave Man United for the Chinese Super League as soon as…
-
Pep Guardiola’s tactical masterplan for Man City’s 5–3 win over Monaco
A wild match that went how Guardiola always knew it would Man City squandered a first-half lead, then mounted an emphatic comeback to beat Monaco 5–3 in the…
-
Leo Messi and Mesut Özil have no regrets over the timing of their trip to Disney World
The two stars missed the disastrous first legs of their teams’ Champions League round of 16 ties Lionel Messi and Mesut Özil missed their teams’ Champions League matches…
-
Philipp Lahm gets bored of winning things, announces plan to retire
“How many winner’s medals does a person really need?” Lahm asks (Bayern) Bayern Munich and Germany captain Philipp Lahm has announced that he will end his playing career…
-
If it continued… (Chelsea v Arsenal)
An answer to the most important question about the London derby (Chelsea/Twitter) Chelsea successfully avenged their 3–0 loss to Arsenal earlier this season by beating them 3–1 as…
-
Coutinho agrees to give Liverpool five more years of unfulfilled hope
Club eager to continue perpetual trend of dreams followed by disappointment (Liverpool FC) Philippe Coutinho has agreed to a five-year contract extension with Liverpool, reportedly making him…
-
FIFA shocked to learn that Carli Lloyd isn’t the only women’s player in the world
A startling revelation from The Best FIFA Football Awards FIFA executives and voters were surprised to learn that U.S. captain Carli Lloyd was not the only women’s footballer…